Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Miscarriages and Grief

by Sherry F. Colb

In my column for this week, I take up the question of how to talk, within a pro-choice framework, about the grief that women experience when they miscarry a pregnancy.  In this post, in the interest of full disclosure, I want to talk a little about my own miscarriage.  It happened many years ago, and it was not an especially "bad" one, in the scheme of things.  It happened early--before my "6-week visit."  Nonetheless, I felt extremely sad and distraught at the time, and I occasionally still think about how old "he" or "she" would be now if I had been able to take that pregnancy to term.

The very word "miscarry" encourages women to think of pregnancy loss as a personal failure, and I felt additionally isolated in my grief by the seeming triviality (by society's lights) of what had happened.  What I had lost was still only an embryo or an early fetus.  Yet it felt like more to me.

Though my column explores this at greater length, I share my own story here to add my voice to those who wish to rectify the gap in our support for women, pro-choice women, pro-life women, and undecided women, all of whom need the space and communal understanding to grieve about a lost pregnancy, if and when they endure that loss and experience grief as a result.

5 comments:

Joe said...

I think it is an eloquent column.

I do think as a "gotcha" for one side -- the question need not be seen in that light -- it's weak. A woman can be quite sad if a marriage doesn't work out. Doesn't mean the choice to marry, even marry "badly" should not be hers to make. A divorce might be sad, but it very well might be essential for the happiness of the woman.

Joe said...

A powerful graphic representation:

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/theslice/beneath-clinic-wars-hidden-history-miscarriages

Unknown said...

My condolences on Your loss.

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