Monday, December 24, 2018

Christmas Special: Adult Coloring Book, "The Lawyers of Trump-Russia" (feat. Robert Kelner)

by Diane Klein and David Kemker

A Visit From Judge Sullivan (with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore and Dr. Seuss)

'Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the House,
And the Senate, all eyes were on D.C.'s courthouse.
Mike Flynn awoke rested, all snug in his bed,
While visions of full pardons danced in his head.

The plea deal was struck by the lawyers with care,
In hopes that Judge Sullivan would think it was fair.
No jail at all, prosecutors agreed;
Flynn's cooperation was all that they'd need.

When there in the court there arose such a clatter,
The media poured in to see what was the matter.
The judge read the filing and said, Whoa, what's this crap?
You think it was really an FBI trap?

And Flynn sweated and stammered and straightened his tie.
No sir, your honor. I know that I lied.
And what's more I knew in the moment I said it!
(But I didn't imagine I'd live to regret it.)

The team guided by Mueller said, Your Honor, it's true.
The guy's really helping us nail you-know-who...
And Flynn and his lawyers took back all they'd filed
About tricks and entrapment and sat back and smiled,

We're happy with a sentence of just around zero,
Mr. Flynn's testimony has made him a hero!
But the judge was unhappy and referenced the Flag
and said all that you've done...just makes us want to gag.

And those in the courtroom and far, far beyond,
Thought back to the moment when first they'd been conned...

"Lock her up!" Flynn had chanted, as he went state to state,
Stumping for Trump, tweets about "Pizza-gate,"
Taking money from Turks, chatting with Kislyak,
FARA disclosures were all that he lacked.
Topping it off he lied right to the Bureau,
Despite knowing their listening devices were thorough.

"I want to be frank with you, this crime is quite serious,"
Said Judge Emmet Sullivan, who some find mysterious.

Speaking down from the bench, the judge went straight to work,
And suggested he'd punish this traitorous jerk.
The judge asked the team if they'd charge Flynn with treason,
And if they would not, would they please state the reason?
The question was jarring to Brandon Van Grack,
But Van Grack wouldn't let himself be thrown off track.

The judge asked more than once if Flynn wished to proceed,
Even as he implied Flynn would pay for his deeds.
Flynn's conduct was more than the judge could condone.
So Kelner and Flynn's team agreed to postpone.

Then the judge did exclaim, as he strode out of sight,
"Happy Holidays" to all (and next March, get this right!).

(Only statements in quotation marks were said verbatim; others reflect creative license.)

(Co-written by David Kemker, a screenwriter and sixth-grade teacher in Los Angeles. Art by Andrea McHale, a special-education teacher in New York City; lettering by Alex Mannos, a graphic artist in Sacramento, California.  The coloring page is subject to a Creative Commons license as below.)